My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
