He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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