Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
