Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
