hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
