just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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