If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
