we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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