i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
