I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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