Can Purell be used as lube?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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