My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
