Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
this boner is exhausting
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
