She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
