Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
