Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
