His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
