I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
