woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
