Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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