tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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