At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
