The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
