worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
