Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
