He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
