dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Come on in and take your pants off
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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