i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
