There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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