I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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