i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
