Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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