He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
