remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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