My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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