I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
