Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
