some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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