I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
