I understand why you refuse to be sober now
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
