Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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