To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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