this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
