Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Dick very happy bro
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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