What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
