I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Randomize
