I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
