She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
