I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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