And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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