There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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